BringBackBoys
Ask Ali
This space is dedicated to answering frequently asked questions by critics and concerned parents. Many people have common misconceptions about Ali's work that involves boys. Here we have given an opportunity for the community to view these concerns as well as add their own.
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Do you advocate violent game play for young boys?
As with all things, moderation is important here. I do not advocate for unfettered violent video game play. However, I think we as a society must realize and accept that a violent fantasy play life is completely normal and a natural stage of development for most boys and some girls. Violence in itself is not a bad or off-limits subject to be avoided by children and their parents. Sometimes it's precisely through children’s’ fantasy role plays that they figure out and learn how to handle themselves as they grow up and learn to handle bullies or other difficult situations in the future. A boy’s development, guided by the parents and caretakers, is also about understanding the pathways to maturity and becoming a man with integrity and confidence in the world. The statistics and studies have shown some mixture of pros and cons associated with violent video play. I believe that we should follow proper guidelines and avoid too much play and too much violence too early in life. These guidelines offered to us by pediatricians and psychologists are valuable and we should pay attention to them. Good parenting doesn't just leave kids to play advanced violent games of any sort or watch violent tv or movies or read overly violent books --including Shakespeare by the way. But I think we've misread masculinity and don't understand the real role that violent fantasy life can play in the healthy development of kids. Our zero tolerance policies won't allow us to accept this. We want to protect our kids from any and all violence. This is understandable; we have an entirely nostalgic and optimistic view of children and want only sunshine and light for them. While this remains a natural instinct, we shouldn't let it override our good sense to let children explore the darker sides of life, too. Statistically we know that as violent video game sales have skyrocketed, teenage real world violence has decreased. We also know that among teens who have had trouble with the police, those who gamed were less likely to have additional trouble than those who didn't game. It may turnout that video games are just a very useful outlet for aggression. So yes, I'd say I do advocate for violent video game play, within limits and bounds, with proper supervision AND particularly to the extent that parents can play WITH kids and are able not just to supervise but help kids make translations from their play into their learning.
What about issues with young girls and games?
Issues with girls are a serious concern. Most of the games that girls like to play are social games, as opposed to MMORPG's. This difference is really important because businesses are increasingly looking to the leader boards of MMORPG's such as World of Wacraft to find their CEOs! Girls are missing out on this because these kinds of games really don't appeal to their sensibilities, which are also just as natural and normal as are the aggressive tendencies of most boys. We need to figure out how to engage girls in games that will help them learn these important skills that the boys are learning such as followership, leadership, wicked problem solving, critical thinking, endurance, perseverance, even "grit." I feel that as long as girls are avoiding these games and mostly focus on social games, they may be missing out on some of the deep engagement that is needed for their futures. So game designers need to crack that code next.
04
Are video games the only answer to the boy issue?
Without a doubt there's a big NO to this question. There are so many factors at play in any broad system like education and learning. It is essential that we recognize this as just one of many ways we can show boys that they are welcome at school; for example, getting more men into elementary classroom teaching is one way to do this. Making sure boys get plenty of recess time and maybe allowing exercise balls in the classroom to accommodate regular kinesthetic movements may help boys and all active kids concentrate more effectively (though all those bouncing kids may make it tough for teachers to concentrate!). There are many answers, and I hope lots of people will work on a variety of answers. I chose to work in the video game space because it's one of the best ways to confront the serious issues associated with the anti-boy culture in schools today; it brings into sharp relief cultural issues of zero tolerance, anti-violence, anti-competition, and collaboration over individual achievement.
What can I do as a parent to help my boy?
You are the most important person in your son's life, no matter his age. First, accept that he's a boy. Don't try to make him into a girl even in subtle or insidious ways. He's great just as he is: energetic, crazy, fun, inquisitive. Encourage all of this, and the next time you see a boy who is driving his mom or dad crazy, compliment him and his parents. We all need more encouragement. Don't expect to drop your son off at the school gate at 5 and pick him up a fully formed, confident and accomplished man at 18. He needs you to take an active role. Get him into a scout troop and support him. Look for lists of books that are boy friendly. Plan on spending a lot of time with your son filling in gaps that you find from school. Any school, no matter how wonderful, will miss some instruction with active boys who may or may not catch everything that goes on in a classroom in the same way that well-focused kids may. In my house, summer school was serious work. Each year I spend the school year figuring out what they're missing and then we plug gaps in the summer time. Be there for your boys, and make sure you read a lot about boy worlds. They are not only different from girl worlds, but they are different from boy worlds of 15 years ago, so do take some time to get acquainted with the new culture of what it means to be a boy in today's society. Pay close attention to their health issues. Boy health issues tend to get lost in the shuffle of their educational and social needs, so make sure you son is getting careful regular health screenings and that you're paying close attention to his entire world.
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